i got bored... went searching through the kansas city blog that i joined sometime before i remember... found some "interesting" people...

ya know, i was looking at my profile pic... i kinda wish my face looked like that all the time instead of just when people cameras mess up... that would be hot...

i think im gonna get the words "cuddle bug" tattooed on my ass cheeks... for no real reason... the hole on my hand is fading REALLY bad... i now understand why professional tattoo artists dont tattoo palms and insides of fingers... everyone thinks im a shitty tattoo artist because my tattoo is fading, so i think im gonna start redoing it once a week.... maybe switching colors or something cause it looked REALLY good before it started fading into hell...

and in other news... i joined this really awesome blog ring tonight for this guy i hate... kinda funny

MY PENIS ITCHES AND IT BURNS WHEN I PEE...

i dont wanna grow up...

have you ever wanted to sabotage your whole existance? you realize everything you have is fake... everything you could have, you dont want... everything you want, you cant have. so you want to just... ruin everything. maybe not for the right reasons, maybe not for A reason... but the thought still crosses your head. because everyone always knows that one thing that they can NEVER do because it would put EVERYTHING in jeopardy. and then you get that one sick fuck that loves jeopardy because he always speaks in questions anyway. so of course he wants to ruin everything. maybe because he has nothing to lose... or maybe because he has everything to lose. so maybe this guy, plots ways to ruin his life... at least if he does it, and gets away with it... noone else can ever take blame for it. ok so i could easily put something on a xanga site... and the people that mean most to me would read it... i could put something that would alienate them. i could put something that would destroy them. not literally, not physically but mentally.... emotionally. why you ask? because im not happy with where im at, because i still hate who i am, because nothing ever changes. my life is filled with lies, one truth could ruin everything, everyone i know believes in. have you ever felt that if someone got to know the real you, they would run? so you put up a shield. you hide from people and make them feel as if its their fault because you arent man enough to stand up to your own faults. i am slowly alienating everyone around me, because "they arent good enough"... not really... but people always think that. im tired of people thinking that when its not true. but i have to admit it is a power trip. when someone says they arent good enough, its like being put on a shelf above them. CONTROL... have you ever played with a yo-yo? have you ever named her? i forgot where i was going with this... NEXT...

i believe if i was completely honest... with everyone in my life... i would have noone in my life. thats very reassuring... to know that at any given moment, i can banish EVERYONE from my life. im such a sick fuck... im really close to pulling all my strings and being alone... again

i guess this is just a warning... incase someone wants to detach for the safety of their emotional and mental states. maybe i wont actually go through with it. maybe i will just stay exactly like this and see what happens... maybe my job here is already done... maybe its just begun...

now if only i could fucking dream again...

ok so heres the deal.... i said some shit... and i meant it at the time, because at the time my emotions were running wild, but things change and people werent ever supposed to see that in the first place. im sorry you did but... oops.

NO

*note to self* incase i forget.... "the party is in storage under a duck"